Dear Blind

Dear Client,

Receiving your sms about your disappointment, that I had fail to inform you that I will be away for a vacation, I for one am particularly sensitive that you are those that are easily taken by such acts, and as such I kept it to my self as to everyone else as it is my personal business. Nevertheless that association of my travels with my work performance which you clearly show no appreciation to has offended me to a level words can not describe.

How is it that, you did not realize the struggle I went through to bring together the entire project that has made your house possible? It is true that in many perspectives, I have been bombarded with numerous issues which seemed to show that it is a disorganization on my side but the bottom-line is that these issues are really self brought up.

let me explain, the very roof of the problem here is by bringing in the ID / designer. This particular person has no respect what-so-ever to anyone and even to you many times I had realize had insulted you on your taste and expectations. It is true that this person is your close friend and supposedly this is out of good will, but bare in mind though to your perspective this one person had went all the way to redesign the entire layout which suits your needs and had managed to pull through some strings to have the shelter waived so that the current scheme would work, at the background: I had been spending so much time re-drawing all the works that was re-arranged and through this process, a few lots of revisions which was to be updated and at many times lost over the transition.

This particular person had made it as such, that orders were instructed and I am to carry them out. In contractual term, we have no obligation to do so as we are binded to you but not this particular person. If you so decide to not inform us directly, we have no need to follow yet we did and yet we made it possible though all parties refuse to follow. We had a talk and decided for your best interest we would put the contract aside and move ahead. Down the line, more changes come by and though this particular person had mentioned had sent out emails informing us of all the changes; the question arise once more, this is simply too much and simply away from what are our own scope of work. Despite requesting for the particulars in a softcopy so that it is easier for us to work with, these copies were not fully amended and as such numerous confusions arise. Yet to your view, she had done her job, and us who are always painted as incompetent was really due to the information being largely inaccurate and confusing; yet we went on taking it in for your house.

There were times where scope of work was on rocks between you and this person, my firm was in the picture because this person wanted a share of the percentage my firm is taking for the “works” this person said to be doing, there was arguments that you had and finally came to us to settle this issue which we suggested that a consultancy fee would work in order for both parties to continue moving but as I understand from this person, you did not follow through with it and refuse payments. This person has mentioned to be doing the ceiling, lighting, wall finishes and the carpentry works, and by doing she did not make it a point to instruct and ensure they were carried out as per the design intent.

Though the design would come from this person, it is known that if someone were to have this as their scope; proper arrangements must be made to allow all the details will be followed through and proper instructions must be done clearly – ie sketches or revisions, maybe due to your reluctance to pay this person, this was not made and willfully this person had push the entire organization and management to me. .

To be frank, my job scope does not involve all management as this is a small project it is suppose to run on its own. However it is also unfortunate that you have a horrible contractor and that this contractor of your has little experience and does not have a procedure to follow through. I had been seen as a person that manages because I am vocal and the contractor has practically failed to manage the site and as such the architect is the person who directed the next term of action as the contractor did not follow their own schedules and took time like a honey moon. Instructions were also not followed as seen in the meeting minutes where everything seemed to repeat over the next meetings which is proof that they are not performing.

Progress reports were slow at first and incomplete and later stopped entirely even though I have mentioned it numerous times, samples were also slow to be submitted and they had never follow the schedule and delays were evident and clear. I cannot be blame for the delays as I am not the project manager, I am only the contract administrator who in fact will be the person to not allow an extension of time of which you can claim from the contractor due to their delays, I am also the person where designs and intentions will come from; but however you had not come to me for this instead went to that particular person, which in turn instruct me to change the design and also expect me to instruct the contractor to follow through at no cost. Will I do it? My firm  cannot take responsibility on any liabilities as you did not inform me of your intentions and that person also refuses to take on any responsibilities and can the contractor follow through the change with no cost? certainly not.

There are methods where such changes will be allowed and you are also fortunate that though your contractor is not an experience one, this contractor is very understanding and had taken so much effort and time to ensure all works and changes done will meet your desire and expectations. There are many conflicts and we all have an understanding that for the sake of the project, we decide to follow through and not look into the contract.

This project has many parts where everyone is pointing fingers at anyone, because everyone has done more than what they are supposed to, and you on the other hand had been under the impression that I am to manage them all, but you are wrong. I am only overseeing works, and ensure that all items done on site comply with all authority requirements so that you are safe. Despite this we are closing one eye because that particular person has been poking and edging closer to the edge giving examples that there are other projects being done without knowing that there are waivers or cases where such items are allowed, yet this person has no guts to be the person who signs for responsibility on it. Instead push all of it to me and my firm and all of the other consultants. We are unhappy to be honest with all these items that are risky, and you unwilling to pay the extra fees to cover then increase liabilities incur from that person.

You may say at this moment that you will undertake such items; The size and design of your casement windows, sliding panels, the bay window, flush floor mounted power points, additional power points added over the course and other items that was altered. In any eventuality that they were to fail, you would forget that all these items were suggested and convinced it is fine by that person and would come looking for us consultants, which we dearly hope it will never come to that stage. Yet looking at the situation, it is becoming such; that person is on the good books and we the group that started from the beginning and had taken so much compromise to make it happen are being blamed.

Why is it that during the course of work, confirmations that were being made on site with all parties and you was entirely forgotten when that person made a disgust remark on the basis that it did not follow through with their principle?  I believe you have been too involved and too attached to this person that no other opinion matters. You made it hard for me on so many levels especially on the bathroom tiles. You had confirmed the tiles on site and we know that the feature wall and the common walls will not match and it is entirely fine as it is a feature wall and should stand up. Why is it that when this person were to bring up that the feature wall tile must be the same size and must be aligned? Can an apple not be an apple if it is not red?

I had many incidences where I was in the red thanks to that person, power point adjustments, color selections, switches, kitchen details and other interior arrangements. The way of work is that the basic requirements are to be met which are the initial design, and once they are completed; the fine tuning of the works can be done by the ID. Yet this person had brought it up to you that adjustments can be done during construction so that you would be spending less money. The fact is this, you are spending less on your ID but you are stabbing your contractor and your builder is actually really is bleeding cash. Drawings were issued and when asked by the workers, that person only mentioned to follow back the email sent out date xxx and refuse to elaborate further.

That person did the same to me many times, In the hopes that I had it at the back of my mind like it was designed in my mind where I can cross reference and adjust. From what I see, this person is a failed example of a professional, It can be true that there are many items that can clog the mind but this does not give them an excuse to simply brush off information which is easily said to be referred to the previous email dated xxx instead of refer to drawing no. xx revision xx dated xx which is more solid and certain. None of us follow up because drawings were issued with drawing title: unknown xx and for each piece of drawing, it was sent in one email instead of compiling them into one file / PDF where it could be easily reference or filed. A good example of a inexperience professional issuing information to all parties yet refuse to admit the method of informing others was flawed.

There are so many times that I refuse to move on, but I believe it is something that I should do because over the period i had grown accustomed to the house and would want to see it finish. However I realize on many occasion you had never shown any appreciation to what I had went out of scope to see to it that they are done well and in-order instead of the contractor who should have their own  quality control.

At all meetings, you would bring up a ton of dissatisfaction of the works and of the arrangements. Bare in mind- arrangement of the interior was done by that person on all aspects, I was forced to made sure the intend was followed through but I am not the project manager but you expect me to be on site all the time to ensure that these are carried out, to your eyes I had failed to perform and failed to meet your expectation when in reality it is your contractor who did not bother to even perform, when in fact I was blamed for not doing my “work” when it is not my work to begin with.

I believe you have take it too far when you had said that I did nothing, you will come to realize that your house will never be built without me and everyone’s compromise. If you see that that person is good at it, by all means if we could turn back time, you could have let that person take it their way and we will see is it possible for all these to come together. For a fact I believe the contractor will release himself from the contract and would not be willing to compromise for works due to all the fuss and must that that person insist.

As for your approval on clearances, I am pressured because I had been awaiting as long as I had and it is also bad luck to say that all the timelines that I had set did not hit as plan, yet it is also wrong to say I had been slacking. I for one knows that I take your project with the highest priority and to be honest I had delayed other numerous meetings in-order for me to see to it that submissions go through and all adjustments and other authority request are submitted and addressed.

Singapore authorities are professional and they are doing their level best to ensure that the citizens have a  level of safety that are of paramount standards and a procedure to match. We have been working with the authorities for a very long while and I for one had some experience with it and to be honest all projects have their own story and their own sets of struggles as each project is handled by a personal and the regulations are drafted and interpreted by individuals which varies and approvals are granted over presiding seating of a few officers which also has their own understanding of how these should be done and abide by. The delay was really contributed by numerous factors, but I am too tired to go on about it because it drags and there are so many people that are involve with it, it made it seemed like a story it self. To sum it, contractor delays, promises timely delivery but did not, forms submitted late, consultants did not follow up due to frustration, officer insistent of regularization and other officers being extra careful lead to the clearance still on hold.

I sometimes hope to close this project soon, so that I would move on to my next project knowing what better to do. I know for sure that I will never allow a third party to be involve with the design and interior works while the main-contract is intact. I will not let my self be involve with managing works as it is not my work, I am to ensure that the requirements of the authorities follow through and at the same time all intent of the clients are met where the information are conveyed to me directly through our discussions instead of coming from a third party and of course I will indefinitely not compromise with delays on the contractor as the schedule need to follow through or else the approvals will be delayed.

I look at this as a learning curb, and I see it as a major lesson which is to never be over shadowed. It is fine that you do not see the effort that I had put it, and it is up to you to continue to believe so, I will move on as I am and I will look back and take this one project where I was the fish on the chopping board and I will make sure that this will never repeat, I do hope we will meet on better times and better terms but I am  definitely not pleased that you mentioned I did not put in enough effort, nevertheless Good Day~

Derick Doors

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A job

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Have you ever had a chance where you were overwhelmed by your job, and that it somehow takes over your life? The state of your work extends beyond the working hours and right into your mind and it lingers there well after you have clocked out?

Well I have just that.

I normally can take it off my mind, with some work-outs and some de-stressing, yet this time around I have just heard the resonance of a voice that just stayed on.

Ever since I had taken this job, i knew there was some form of delay that just waits to come by and I mean this in the way that states a sense of completion in me as I remember at one  point I left a job without finishing it, and at this time and date, I see it as a repeat almost deja vu but on a better day on a better term obviously, I cannot say so or more because it is somewhat the first.

I do understand the anxiety when it comes to moving into a new house, and in my line of work; I have to ensure it to be fit and a time-line to follow. However there are so many circumstances and true enough I am the ear that has to listen and physiologically I am also taking it.

Sometimes, all I got to say is that; there are times where everything is rosy and there are time things just won’t bloom. I think it is high-time I do something, I do best- step on something and have it firm. It is true that there are times when the knife is pointing at you,  you just gotta kick your attacker and flee.

I do not mean flee in a way that I am a coward, I am to make it a point that there are scopes for me to be in and there aren’t anything else. It can be crude, but the more emotional I get into it, the more I won’t have it detached and have it done; it is a job after all and in my line- its just another project. After the cert is out its over. No trophies no awards, its really that plain- and for all that murmuring and blasttering: really not worth much of my time and emotions. However, it effects be because I take my work seriously, and I think its the reason why it is effecting me.

Be it a time where there are duties, it is sometimes really a sense that made it more.

I believe I had done something good, and I did feel better after talking to my boss on this. He reassured me that it happens and I shouldn’t be too taken by this- ranting will not do much and I do know it, and work wise “suck it in and finish it” it is really a norm term I must say.

There are times, where I cannot believe I am dealing this item now and especially the pin-pointing fingers, but it is really a JOB, I must take it as that and maybe be clearer when I draw the line.

I must be strong and resonant now and ever as this is the one value that will entirely ensure that this do not happen anymore.

I think by making it clear that I have been seen as someone that is insignificant is what I should make it a point to be mistaken, I must make it clear that things are really not about just one person and it is really not about how the system works to a client who assumes it so, I should be more professional in using the contract so that if any confusions were to arise, it is really none of the events that I should be in.

I think this has given me a great deal of lesson, which is to never let your guard down and to make it a point that I can never be one person but rather someone who delegates and in this case the many pin-pointing to everyone else.

Oh I just remember one saying: “when you point at someone else, there are 4 more fingers pointing back right back at you”

you can say it in the context of me in this rant, but heck it is what it is.

oh well things have to change and it is really about getting it there and done, suck it up and walk it to it~

Bless it be, Bless it be

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~It’s still the same ol same ol ~

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There are this times where we simply just let ourselves go by, and I mean this in a way that is personal and factual. When one is comfortable, one will simple allow it to continue as it is, I have been doing as always- good but rather loner still at the other part of me.

I am comfy, and I am happy just not contented, just yet.. .

I have what I basically need, but not what I want, just yet.

it’s somewhat a desire, and a life line.

But I can say, its something that is slow and something vital.

I am letting it be, and hoping it be. Its all simply a good thought and always a search. I still go days on end looking around and wondering how is it that at this time and age that I am in: I am still relatively available. It’s somewhat bewildering to say the least and in a sea full of these many fishes- its even more mind boggling.

Well it come and goes, and Its always the saying of patience.

I say its time to end the drought- and by means of acceptance

Cheers to the next fish that pops out in-front of the shark- I’ll just bite it 🙂

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kissy fish

kissy fish

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There are times where new is old

I have to say this that i am extremely bothered by the many says of some people in my life but for all that it really is, i should simply just not be bother by it yet it does and it does to such an extend i feel i am so profoundly moved to renounce some parts of our own connections.

Well by being so,  i am perhaps over reacting but needless to say this is something that i should point out as somewhat prudently testing in my views, my dignity and especially in my terms as i am.

I am always someone who see it as the best as i can be, and i am happiest when i am in the lit of the lime, yes it is true i can be loud and abound by my says but when i meet another as such (i realize i am mild) . . . well i turn into someone else. Is it bad that i feel the way i do when someone notoriously bitches about me and embarrasses me of all that i am in the means to so call “cover” up the envy that one might have for me?

Truth being. . . i feel better typing the latter above, but it kills me sometimes knowing that i have this such in my life that i try so hard to rid. . .

I am somehow not too bought up by friendship and i am not too warmly satisfied by this arrangement. I always thought that the distance that we had would be this one perculiar bliss in out friendship but knowing that you may be close by in the coming months really shudder my own gut.

I am really looking forward for this year to unfold but knowing that this little glitch will seal it self to my life this 2012 onwards. . . and together with it sealing it self to all that is around me, is something i shiver thinking about it. I do need to rethink my goals and my perceptions because i can no longer be the simple lad that roams the city as it is, i now need a life that i can live separate.

What i find troubling is that the fact that one can be seemingly nice and seemingly “genuine” yet deep in my gut i feel there is something a mist. Why is it that this is around me. Well i do understand that things are different now and things do progress but we will still need to accept the fact that people do have feelings and being friends doesn’t quite give you the right to just step all over me, go after anyone and everything that i have.

I can say this, i feel Really annoyed.

Maybe 2012 will be a year, i start to draw the line.

Happy 2012 to all of you, may it be blissful and joyful unlike mine, though i am hopeful it will be a good one for me if only i chose to make the right move and the right choice.

Have a Good Year ahead ^^

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The innocence

The Virtue?

I sometimes really wonder at the outcome of nothingness. I am more so stunned by the fact that nothing is really anything but something. I am never no one and never really somebody. You can say that i am taking the stand of anonymous but being anonymous itself states a figure and a name just that it is unknown or is it known?. It is a fact that exist and doesn’t at the same time.

We all want a life and because of this we dream of endless opportunities and we mirror our dreams to our lives. We now live in a world created from our own imagination and our dreams. We can well be sleeping while we are awake as this is something entirely man-made and more still fascinating as it can get: we contradict ourselves on the reality of this nature by it being naturally occurring?

How many out there had stood still to think for a while that the inspiration that we have is the next fantasy that will come by. This endless cycle will continue to be part of our lives because we are modern humans and what we do best is think. Or is it?

Unlike our past- we simply do as we can . . . but have anyone ever stopped to really think and realize that though we create the world that is today, we are all not that far from yesterday even though there are so many improvements and changes that had come by.

We live in a bubble and its one bubble that people go about like how plants go about and animals go about- which is to live. Our notion and creation of time itself to me had made it worst. More so that the anticipation of the next minute and the next hour proves the eagerness to get over the day; thus making the day itself worthless- what more time. With or without any form of productivity whatsoever over this course of motion is what we have become? The same?

It’s something that we can watch on national geographic or animal planet- how animals go about the day like how the sun go by the sky. What have we achieve? other than the movement that is filled with tech and the many works that are stress ailing and other clauses that are simple body degrading. I believe this is a primeval form- we do not know what is next outside this bubble- unknowingly ignorant

Some form of obliviousness.

I myself do not think out . . . and would rather sit and have a simple living. But why am i like this? Why must i decide on something that is simple? Or am i simply doing so because i know my life is a waste and would rather let it just wither away?

Would i risk it all for a chance to be different? or that the change it self, i do know very well is nothing more compared to this state? I feel there is this nothingness that keeps me moving and with this i feel nothing more than the life that is in me.

I do see that the times have come and go and i do see that i am not what i am to be, yet likely would i ever understand.

Why is it that sometimes being known is unknown and when it’s unknown its known? I consider this a form of irony and therefore i chose to give in.

Sometimes i wonder why. . .

Well what can you do when time catches up?

Keep moving. . . . 

 

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blue

There is something about me that is throbbing and this impatience is making me uneasy and increasingly depressed as this feeling not only made me think of all those that I am not suppose to think, and yet it goes all over my mind and soul that it feels like a highway that leads to no end other then the free fall over a cliff.

Sometimes i really wonder how had i come to this stage, a stage that ever longed and ever more wish it more, it feels like an infinity just by being me. I feel that my age do matter and my mind don’t. I feel my eyes are my feeling and my heart is my mind, and my mind are my desires- it all becomes the fuel to the endless dreams that it kept all my senses being. I am constantly hyped as if i was on a constant dose of drugs and this is more so easily expressed in my daily occasion that i just drift and to where i will drift? to the next horizon and the more over it.

Grass unfortunately not greener over those horizons . . . and if they were, I simply am not welcomed.

It does matter to me on why i have to make my self be in all these rising suns and all the eyes that i opened, the hearts I opened and the hearts i also buried. I feel i am always at war with my self, a war of conflict and of a desire that could not ceased to come to an end. I feel my life simply will not come to meet at any point as all in my being seems so parallel; never meeting and perhaps never will be.

This is the one thought that made me sour, i am soured because even rivers meet the sea, and even the smallest drops of waters will meet the sun, but the sweetest of dreams are never close to come to the flower that seek it to moist its petals, it simply flows and never meet it be.

Death is a days past, and new is simple a fresh- yet i am restless as i am still looking for you, the oceans are so vast and so full of the same substance that i am, but why can’t i reach to one, why can’t i find you as i am. I try my best to drink the anticipation and leave it far beyond my desires would say it be, i try to run away from all these as i try to look for you. Never am i there, sadder still – i never am taken for all that i am.

These rivers flow to the sea, though they do not meet along the way, but they do meet despite being on opposite ends, I always feel it is without doubt despite differences being in the ocean, is simply one. Yet i was wrong because for all that i can presume and say, I have never seen any other that have come so near.

I said it so many times before, yet i could not believe it less. I am not bullet proof though i wish i was, and i may look strapped in a vest solid and strong as i come to be, i simply bleed everyday from this many dreams that eat into my soul.

I am wounded by so many lives i had lived and put my self through. I am a soul gone from the eyes of life. i simply take my self as nothing more then this cruel being that simply wants the sun to only shine and never set, but sadly i never learn that the sun crosses the horizon every day and it will never be mine, yet i do always hope that everytime it passes me- i hope it so much so that it could smile and notice this little me, this me that wants alittle of that warmth to take me higher and higher, above all that is me.

Part of my life that could be pleased with this shine will perhaps be made more contented but its simply a metaphor that will never be met. It is a constant fiction that will make me an idealist that will fail to meet his dreams.

They say, fact is fiction and suspicion is the new religion..

It is unlikely i will be able to uphold that. I am a sinner for all i can say as i wake to dream. I never take fact for it being. I take fact by the dream it could. I don’t doubt my self and that is why i always know i am right. Sadly this is the one knife that cuts me inside. As I ever bleed as i fight the war and battles inside me from all that my open eyes and senses take.

Lately its hard to hear anymore, it is not because i cant, i simply am not all right. Because i know i am not right. I travel and i dont seem to arrive. Its never really enough to be alive, and never in love; I become restless. Why do i have to look for you? Why do i want to?

I have to really come to terms with my self to at least try to be more then this. I am not all right but at least i can drive, I can drive my self a way or follow the sun as it passes the horizon, and perhaps arrive at one end that would let me survive, let it lift me from this restlessness as i really wish i could stop looking for you, I simply want you to breath near me, feel you feel me, and be as together high as the ceiling of the skies above.

I do need you, but if i can never meet you, i hoped to travel to find another time to be looked for as I had looked for you.

I hope there is a way to say all these bundles in my mind, and i hope i can breath with all of the skies clear- freshly.

Blue skies as it is our day, and blue it soothes as the oceans of mystery it hold, blue as the days can be, blue to a comfort that in any river- they will one day meet in the ocean, like the certainty of the sun rising over the horizon of a new day.

Isn’t this beautiful? 

Cheers to love. 

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Filled with emptiness …

I used to find that I walk with a reason and on a path I chose. I sometimes feel that it wasn’t so like what it used to be, I simply am not to sure why.

I seen that everyday I awake I tend to go through the same routine that is about working out and breakfast before a day of challenges at work.

I can say that my life has been less complicated and had settled so, I have a life that I can say I am living without a sense of realism because it flows like a stream of water.

I now feel I have lost what it takes for me to different or I just simply think it so. I feel numb and vague though there are alot of happenings in my that push forth in front of my eyes. They manifest themselves as a routine that I live, some powerful and strong.

I am not stressed with all these, just I feel I am just comfortable which frightens me. I am living a life of what I presumedly wanted. Security of a simple life made me feel uneasy.

Why I feel this way, I am not too certain and more would I wish I had more is something that only greed and gluttony could explain, but I don’t and I didn’t see my self going through that, my life is somehow brought forth on a path far different then what I have seen my self wanting.

Perhaps this is what I am to be, a simple man- like how I wish it be where I could concentrate on what’s important to me: which I am still searching.

Maybe that’s the one thing causing this hollowness …

I am without a love.

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cry me out

This is a MV by Pixie Lott- cry me out. Why are sad songs always appealing ? Its just because we are always sad. . . . the past revisited – SIGH!~

oh well~

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A word to say

Here i do say and here i am said to be, as this is a realm that i be as bitter and sweet as i can, but what can i say more other then me being simply the way i am. Let me simply define an intention that exist in a mind frequent and obscure for these moments are simply constant.

Let me tell you that in every reality of truth there is a fantasy that match it in ways many would hoped it be, yet we are simply not able to realize it and undertake the reality of it.

I can say that the sex and the lives of a city and the prudent judgemental-ism that people get from their lives made me feel so disconnected and partly embarrassed why of which i can tell that not everyone is anyone and besides who ever said who you are as who they are.

I once was laughing at lives of people other than me and this i can say is something that i now ironically see in my self, but likely would i ever change much, because somehow, i would rather time makes me be, i cannot define anymore of my desires and wishes because all i can see are simple constant neglect and regret, I am more incline to work as such as i am and as it is, because it suits what i feel now and never more.

I sometimes do hope that i can be amazing, and rewarding in ways that defines the world that only a lustful material world of existence, yet let me say this-  a moment in desire is like in angst which is simply a moment that is of revenge and this is simply something that cannot be fed constantly because if it does, it will grow to a point of no return.

A word that says the lives of ours is not a life of one nor any is something that ponders me. I see that things and feelings come to be easy and there is a part that makes lives more of any less important but at the same time- it is simply somewhat a desire that can cease to be like a dream once awoken.

I see that the world this is, is a world that do not exist, but if i take my self like a boat ride on a river of time, i believe i live forever in the eternity that it brings.

I do not ponder how times works anymore or any term for a continued lust for success but i do ponder why is it that i feels long and more to come whenever i sit down. This i can only look at from my view point that the entire sky is simply a sky that feeds what i want to see

A mind that just wouldn’t die and simply continue to live. In dreams or in reality .. .

I am immortal as you are. . . we see and we feel but what we would believe is eternal, if you so let your self just sit on that boat on that river, and just float in it with it for as you are.

Taken or taken for granted. . .  it’s really goes around.

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